The day I had been waiting for so long arrived. I spent almost 9 months imagining how our meeting would be. I prepared everything for her arrival, washed all her clothes, bought all kinds of things that I imagined she would need and others that I thought were cute but I didn't even know what they were for. I put her dad in charge of cleaning what would be her room. I took a whole group of people to fold and put away clothes (my mom and sisters). Even in my most intense moments I carried her onesies imagining what it would be like to carry her. I couldn't bear the wait. Even though I'm bad at waiting, I was desperate for that day to come.
The last few weeks were the craziest. I would go to sleep waiting for the contractions to start that day, and I would wake up the next day disappointed. I had read everything, I took a psychoprophylactic course, I went to prenatal yoga classes, and I even booked her first stimulation classes. I didn't need anything, I had everything perfectly calculated for her triumphant arrival and to become the ideal mother I had always dreamed of being.
The plan was going well. I had talked to my husband about how we would never be the kind of parents who overprotected their children, that we would always keep the house tidy, that our daughter would have a well-established schedule, of course we were in favor of exclusive breastfeeding until 6 months and of course our birth plan was ready and a cesarean section had been completely ruled out.
–Don’t fall asleep because it will take longer for them to take you to the room to see your baby–, I thought while I waited in the recovery room. The plans had changed, a normal delivery was not possible, and we had to resort to a cesarean section, –but that doesn’t discourage me, I’m fine and ready for what’s coming! A doctor is coming, stay awake and try to move a little so they can see that you’re ready to go–, I told myself. I finally convinced them and they took me to meet my baby.
I don't know if it has happened to you, but I feel like they put something into the atmosphere in hospitals so that babies let everyone hold them without crying, are very calm, don't feel any pain, and act like obedient and very considerate beings, who only think about making their parents happy, but the moment they get home they completely transform!
The first few days were difficult and the nights were very long. My breasts hurt, I was very sleepless, and my plans to wake up at night and sleep during the day while my mom took care of my baby had failed because as soon as I heard her moan, I was already next to her to take care of her needs. I saw my sisters come and go, go out with their boyfriends, and continue with their normal lives as if nothing had changed. I didn't know if I wanted to scream, cry, or laugh. So I sat down with my baby in my arms, looked at those little eyes that constantly looked at me saying "mommy, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I love you," and I knew that that tiny being depended on me and that I was her whole world. Then I realized that there was no turning back, that my life had changed forever, that I was no longer the person I used to be, and that my name was now "mommy." That day I knew that being a mom is the most painful and at the same time beautiful thing that has ever happened to me, and I LOVE IT!